Dumped or the dumper? Planning on it or trying to get through it? I've been there on both counts many times. I'm here to say what I've learned and what I think helps. I hope it helps you or at least whiles away some time in which you think about yourself and not the UN-significant other. Happy Break-up!Ask me anything Submit
Years ago when people said her name, it felt like a knife in my chest. Now i can speak it without flinching.
It is both comforting and terrifying to know someday it will be the same with you. Although there are bad days (for me too), I remind myself that I moved on from everyone else and got over them. I will get over you too.
So if someone wanted to send me and ask to help cheer me up that would be lovely. Feeling pretty worthless :(
It’s easy to feel worthless after a break-up but remember that’s your ego, not your heart. You have so much to offer the world. Sit down and write six good things about yourself (you’re not allowed get up until you have). Don’t say you don’t know because everyone,ABSOLUTELY everyone has good things about themselves. Recognise this and know that others already do too.
Anonymous said: It's hard to find peace and happiness when you wake up to your wife cheating on you and leaves you because it's not what she wants anymore. Then is with someone else weeks latter and is happy. It feels like a really bad dream! I feel that I meant very little! I know I enabled all this. And I see my mistakes. But the loss has been hard and it has all been very hurtful! It was not disposable and replaceable to me! Even though I know it would never work and I deserve someone who would not do that a
Of course it’s incredibly hard and hurtful to experience all this and to be honest, if she was unfaithful and then is with yet another person it seems that she may have more problems than she’s willing to recognise and it’s probably not about you.
It’s healthy that you recognise your own faults and I’m sure in time you will heal and find someone much better and more deserving of you and your love.
I am the girl who wrote in about my boyfriend of 5 years breaking up with me over a text message. A lot has gone on since that happened and I really need unbiased advice. My family and friends have been very supportive and listened to me sob for weeks but I feel like I need an outsider’s opinion.
I sent him what I thought was a very mature facebook message because I didnt want him to respond to my phone. it basically told him how I felt and I knew we couldn’t be together and that I still loved him but what was done was done. He responded with that he was going to give me space for my exams but wanted to talk after because “every part of him still loves me” and he “doesnt want this to be goodbye”
I haven’t responded to this message and am trying to focus on school, but I am constantly thinking about what I should do - my friends and family have repeatedly expressed their disapproval of me taking him back because they see how upset I am. I have gone over this in my head so much and I don’t know what to do.
I really can’t picture myself with anyone else, he is the first person I have been with but I don’t think that we have lasted 5 years for no reason, we worked well together, barely fought, I was so close to his family and I really don’t even know how to be without him.
I don’t know how to tell if this guy is really the person I am supposed to be with or if I am blinded by this pain of being alone for essentially the first time in my adult life (I am 21 and he is 23). I tell myself I will be okay without him but I don’t really know if I believe it. Obviously if we decided to work things out, it wouldn’t be easy and would take a while and a lot of work on both of our parts - I am going away for 4 months in January for school and this makes me wonder if its even worth it to get back together and then potentially break up in 4 months because it will probably take that much time before we are normal again. I always had this plan to go away but we talked about staying together and making it work, but this was before all this happened, I dont know if I could trust him while I am gone. I’m not sure what to say if tries to talk to me after my exams or if I should say anything,
wow.. I know this is a lot but if nothing I feel like me writing this all down has let me think about everything. I’d really like to know what you think as a person who doesn’t know me.
I appreciate anything you have to say and I love your blog it has helped me a lot.
Kasey, thanks for your message and kind words about my blog. I had to edit your message as it was so long, and if others are reading they may be confused. It seems like HE is very confused and he’s actually being really immature by the way he’e been messing you around. It is incredibly disrespectful of him to be messaging you and messing with your head during your exams and he should know better but he’s being selfish i.e he’s not thinking about you, he’s thinking about HIM and what he wants.
It’s very hard to separate after five years and both of you are dealing with it in the ways you can. You, by the way, are doing great, being really mature and trying to get on. I sense that your gut is telling you that although you’re lonely and hurting, this is possibly for the best. A guy that is messing you around like this doesn’t deserve your time. He needs space and time and to grow up. Like you say, is there a point in getting back (and possibly arguing about everything that has gone on|) for four months and then breaking up again? I know it seems like a long time but if you leave it until AFTER you get back from school (so I’m guessing that’s nearly a year away) you will both have a much clearer picture of how you feel about each other. I’m not saying hang on, I’m saying give each other the space to breathe and be yourselves without each other. Real, lasting relationships work when two people are a complement to each others’ life, not a NEED. Because you’re in your early twenties, learning who you can be away from him could be the best thing you’ve ever done, and if you do get back together you will be better because of it. Also giving him the space to reflect on the things he’s done and the person he wants to be will be good for him. Right now, you’re both drowning in pain and doing the best to salvage what you can from the wreckage.
I hope the rest of your exams go well, have an awesome celebration afterwards and be by yourself for awhile. Of course you’ll have reminders of him but you guys should not be in contact for a bit. One way or another, it will all work out and I think you know that.
Anonymous said: This week my boyfriend who I was with for 3 years broke up with me ... I feel completely lost and miserable ! We were having problems for the past few months but recently we agreed we'd try to work things out and I thought we were moving forward until he made it clear he didn't want to try anymore.... I'm trying to keep my mind off it but a lot of my close friends are away or out of the country and I just feel so alone ...I'm just not really sure how to get through this any advice ?
See a counsellor. I know that it seems like a big step but it really isn’t. I honestly think everyone at some point should go talk to one. Why? It’s someone completely outside of your life, with an unbiased view, who has to be on your side. What more could you need right now?
3 years is a long time and I know the hardest part is being without what was your best friend for that length of time. Different things help different people but I often have a glass or two of wine (not more - I am not recommending taking solace in a bottle!) and reflect on myself at this time, what I can do to make my life easier, better. A hot bath, a manicure, a new dress. I find that easing the pain just a little knocks the edge off and helps me see the future a little softer.
Otherwise, go to the gym - pound that treadmill, take it out on a boxing bag, get all the emotion out.
Right now, it’s probably hour by hour. All the cliches are true - one door closes and another opens but right now you’re blinded with pain and can’t really see that. I have dozens of posts here on the various things I’ve done and advised others to do, have a look through if you have the time.
Know that he walked away because something better is waiting in the wings. I know this because every single, solitary time, every heartbreak I’ve gone through (and there are soooo many - just nursing one right now) have proven this to be true.
Right now I’m hurting, I’ve been rejected and even though I knew he wasn’t good enough for me, everyone knows that sting, like the knife being twisted. I keep reminding myself that it’s ok, and I’ve done this before. Life’s a little tricky, heartbreak is a BITCH but we are better than all of this, and you are.
Feel free to send me rambling emails asking the whys and hows and how shit you feel. That’s what I’m here for, that’s why I started this blog and it makes me feel better knowing (or at least hoping) that I can help, a little, in some way.
I had a really sad mail in my inbox the other day from a girl whose boyfriend had dumped her when she got pregnant.
What an utter shit.
That’s not what I said, but it is what I thought. How could he do that? Sure it’s scary and not at all what they had planned but to leave someone when you are just as responsible as they are for what you’ve created? Sometimes I really don’t get men.
It hurts to say that I was in a very similar situation about 13 years ago (wow, I can’t believe it was so long ago). It was a huge decision for me but I had an abortion. He actually came with me, which was something, as I had to travel, but I don’t think he felt as much anguish and pain as I did, and still do to this day about it. I am, however, happy that he’s out of my life. He was a coward, a liar and it’s hard to believe just how much I was taken in by him at the time, he wasn’t even that attractive (sure, he had a twinkle in his eye, and he was tall but still).
I’m not saying that’s the path this girl should choose, I would never tell anyone what they should or shouldn’t do, I can only advise. This is a hard one and if anyone else is going through it, I feel for you and I’m here to listen should you need to vent or cry.